Dear Luvlee,
Sitting here watching this makes me think of you, there’s a fondness, a sweetness, almost innocent confusion that’s plaguing my mind. Don’t worry, I wont get carried away-those feelings left long ago, but watching this makes me think of you. Maybe it’s his hair, or his intellect? Maybe it’s the way the back of his head looks as he walks away, or the sadness in his eyes. Maybe it’s the way he smiles when he’s truly happy or his quiet calm. There’s a gentle cluelessness to him, a reserved playfulness, an undercover protector and a wishful lover. He’s both childlike wonder and absolute conviction when it comes to manners of the heart.
Maybe it’s not him at all. Maybe it’s the loneliness I see in her, the fear of abandonment in her eyes as she sits alone both wanting to run away, but be close at the same time. The crave for human touch and gentle attention. The way she hates herself, but longs to be loved by someone else. Her quiet calm, her ability to dismiss her hurtful actions towards those that don’t deserve it, but it’s all she knows. Conditions; conditional love, conditional joy, and conditional happiness.
I want to console them both. There’s this unspoken sadness that I sometimes feel when I think about you, so I don’t usually think about you…but here I am thinking about you as I watch this; there’s no pain and no resentment, just the recognition of somebody that I used to know.
I watched until the end and it ended both expectedly and unexpectedly, she fought, she felt, she grew and he avoided. They both hurt. He cried, which was sadly beautiful, but in the end it seemed like he was too cowardly to fight, to feel and to grow with her. I thought these things have happy endings, not realistically sad ones.
The public wants a part two, and maybe they’re all hopelessly hoping for that “happy ending”, we all secretly want that. To see him fight for them, to put away the fear of what might happen or the “i’m not good enough” that might be going through his mind. We can sense it. We’re rooting for it.
Most of us have been through it, the longing, the wishing, the hope that our special person- you know, the one that’s too scared to stay, would just…stay. In the end they don’t, you cry, you hurt and for a while you may think that it’s your fault. In time you grow, you realize that maybe they left, so that the one that was meant to stay could come along. That it was never you to begin with.
We all want to feel securely & fearlessly loved, without judgment or pain. Without the fear of abandonment. In the end you realize there’s no magic potion or love spell, there is no point really in forcing someone into something they’re not ready for—it only leads to sadness and pain, wander, and nightmares. So as I end this, I think about him and I think about her, but mostly I think about you and those like you-how sad it must be to go through life that way. To live so unhappily in constant fear of true happiness or joy. I hope you heal and I truly wish you the best – Good-bye.
Always,
Luvlee B 💕
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