Dear Luvlee,
Is it even real?
I mean how can this be real?
I try to write,
I try to think,
I feel like I’ve been here before,
All the what ifs, maybes & do i really want this or is this all in my imagination…
I think if I really wanted this, like really wanted this, then I would have it right?
I think if this was really meant to be, then I wouldn’t have to question it right-it would just be? Right?
But then every time I hear u say “we”, “us” or “our”
my brain flips inside out & I think maybe…just maybe we can actually be “we”
when we laugh, joke & just be together I think…this feels nice, safe…right
But then it happens, I find myself back in my sadness again,
My heart wants to close & I know it’s time to run, to flee, to release & actually let go-no reservations needed
I think is this self sabotage?
Am I just purposefully creating damage?
Am I breaking my own heart?
This time it will stick, this time I will be freed, this time is for real, this time…
Always,
Luvlee B
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